


i know it's over (and it never really began)

by kveikur (orphan_account)



Series: plans and narrow stairs [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, songfic kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2287796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kveikur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ray is falling in love.</p><p>and then he's crashing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i know it's over (and it never really began)

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to thank grizzly bear, the smiths, dcfc, daughter, and neck deep. without these amazing bands my writing wouldn't even be possible, so please give them a listen.
> 
> also i used the word 'love' far too much, please forgive me

Ray is okay _he is okay._ Ray is happy, _he is happy._ His life is great, his friends are even better but _he is in love._

And he's not quite sure what to do about that.

 

Ray goes on a date. The man sitting across from him is beautiful and bashful and he wishes they could be kissing.

 

Ray has sex for the first time when he's twenty-three years old. The best parts about it are the arms he gets wrapped in and the sleepy eyes he meets with his own, afterwards.

 

Ray has a boyfriend. It's more than he could ever ask for and he hopes it lasts forever.

 

Ray has the best two months of his entire life and, looking back on it, he wishes he would've payed more attention to the little things that would've meant so much more if he knew they weren't going to last.

 

Ray gets into a fight with the person he loves the most and he's a shell, he's a shell he's a shell. He doesn't want to feel and he doesn't want to hear the venomous words that come out of his own mouth.

 

Ray sleeps alone in his bed that night. He doesn't much like the cold and misses the eyes that don't greet him when he wakes up.

 

A week after they fought, Ray is no longer with anyone and he doesn't cry and he doesn't react because _he is a shell._

 

Ray turns twenty-four a day before _he_ turns 42.  
He doesn't leave his apartment at all that week.

 

Ray wishes that he could believe they were stronger than one single argument, that maybe if he had tried harder to mend them they would be okay.  
He can't.

 

Ray finds it hard to live a life without him-sometimes he imagines the other man in the bed next to him, imagines his smile, his eyes, his crazy hair.

He likes to think it helps, even though it usually just makes it worse.

 

Sometimes Ray forgets that they work together-he walks into the pantry one day and freezes in his tracks, seeing the older man hunched over the shitty coffee machine, then walks back out slowly, retreating to the bathroom until he stops shaking.

 

Love isn't supposed to hurt this much, Ray should have found someone else because _he_ did, it's been a two years and he's clearly over Ray but it's hard to remember you're supposed to be a shell when the person you fell for keeps stepping on you.

 

Sticking to his absitinence hasn't been easy-he almost broke on one particularly distressing night-but so far he's been as dry as the Sahara.

Besides, drinking reminds Ray of _him._

 

Two and a half years have gone by and Ray wants to say he's found 'closure', but the fact is every time he sees _him_ with his _girlfriend,_ he breaks just a little bit more and he knows he should just accept it and move on but _he's in love and he can't._

 

Ray moves home to New York after the third year of being in love with him. When he offers Ray a watery-eyed hug and asks why he's leaving, why he's doing this, Ray ignores his familiar, tantilising arms and leans up to whisper in his ear.

 _I'm still in love with you. ___  
He is sombre as Ray pulls away, giving him one last longing look, and leaves the AH office for what will be the rest of all their lives.

 

Ray sits on a plane and he is not okay _he is not okay._ Ray is not happy _he is not happy._ He has just left his friends and his entire life and _he is still in love._

 

_finis._


End file.
